DEAR SCHOOL

I am not coming into school again today, as it has been made clear to me that I'm not allowed to be in school while under the influence of Percocet. My mama won't let me come dressed up as a pharmacy. Also taking tylenol as an alternative just isn't cutting the mustard. Or the pain. Whichever you prefer.
I will be coming to school when my jaw returns to its normal state of not feeling like elephants have trampled it several times. Nothing against elephants. I love them so. Just not their heavy feet. Darn you oral surgeons!

Much love, and gratitude for putting up with me,
Lauren.

WAKING UP AT 6AM

should be against the law...

just sayin'.

WHEN THE ELEPHANTS ARRIVE

Do you know how it feels to have your head trampled by elephants?

Are you well acquainted with the crushing pain that accompanies this event?

Well neither am I, but I feel as if I am as close to knowing that experience as I can be minus the trip to Africa.

WARNING TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC: Keep your wisdom teeth. Don't let the oral surgeons rip them out of your skull! Who would do such a thing to themselves?! Oh wait, I did that.

For the past 3 and a half days I have either been too drugged out to notice anything, or writhing in pain. I live on a humble diet of chicken broth, mashed potatoes, mashed apples, and mushy rice. So pretty much anything that is not brothy, or mashed is out of the question.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day either sleeping, or vomiting (TMI, I know). This is not how I like to spend my Sundays.

Last night I went to sleep after taking an extra strength Tylenol PM, (no mega painkillers). This bold move caused me to wake up at 1 AM thrashing about, wondering when the excruciating pain would cease. I repeated this action until about 2:20 AM, when I got out of the bed to wake my mother.

Suffice it to say, this weekend has not been the best.

MAGGIE

These are some poems devoted to my Maggie.

Maggie is a friend of mine.

Maggie is so very fine.

Maggie with her hair so fair,

Maggie won't you always be there?

Maggie is a real high class lady.

Maggie is as good as gravy.

Maggie, Maggie, Magic Maggie-

How do you stay so classy?

Maggie has a monotone voice, and when she sings,

I swear it is the most wondrous noise.

Not because it is beautiful,

not because it is angelic,

Oh no.

This noise, it stings the ear lobes.

This noise, it makes tears come from infants eyes.

This noise, makes me want to run.

Oh so far, far away.

Maggie's voice is wondrous.

Reflections on Prom:

1. My night was pretty close to perfect.

2. I should have sat closer to the dinner table, that might have prevented the sauce from staining my dress.

3. Kicking off your heels at song number 2 should be a Prom Law.

4. Getting ready with your mother, can be a blast.

5. I had an altogether wonderful time, and I owe it all to my mom, my friends, and the staff of Miyabi Kyoto, Japanese Steak and Seafood House.

TACOS MAKE THE WORLD GO 'ROUD.

(or at least they make my world go 'round) Tomorrow is prom night and the feeling's right! Oh what a night!

My best friend and I are well schooled on the Jitterbug and how to shag, so there won't be any inappropriate gyrating coming from our hips! Should be tons of fun, and I am obviously one very very excited Super Dork.

PROM PREPARATION

Just got back from the mall, it turns out they laugh at both yours and your date's face when you ask to rent a tie. Who knew? He paid good money for it. It can't be a wildly uncommon thing. Well at least he got the tie. And it matches my dress.