DEAR SCHOOL

I am not coming into school again today, as it has been made clear to me that I'm not allowed to be in school while under the influence of Percocet. My mama won't let me come dressed up as a pharmacy. Also taking tylenol as an alternative just isn't cutting the mustard. Or the pain. Whichever you prefer.
I will be coming to school when my jaw returns to its normal state of not feeling like elephants have trampled it several times. Nothing against elephants. I love them so. Just not their heavy feet. Darn you oral surgeons!

Much love, and gratitude for putting up with me,
Lauren.

WHEN THE ELEPHANTS ARRIVE

Do you know how it feels to have your head trampled by elephants?

Are you well acquainted with the crushing pain that accompanies this event?

Well neither am I, but I feel as if I am as close to knowing that experience as I can be minus the trip to Africa.

WARNING TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC: Keep your wisdom teeth. Don't let the oral surgeons rip them out of your skull! Who would do such a thing to themselves?! Oh wait, I did that.

For the past 3 and a half days I have either been too drugged out to notice anything, or writhing in pain. I live on a humble diet of chicken broth, mashed potatoes, mashed apples, and mushy rice. So pretty much anything that is not brothy, or mashed is out of the question.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day either sleeping, or vomiting (TMI, I know). This is not how I like to spend my Sundays.

Last night I went to sleep after taking an extra strength Tylenol PM, (no mega painkillers). This bold move caused me to wake up at 1 AM thrashing about, wondering when the excruciating pain would cease. I repeated this action until about 2:20 AM, when I got out of the bed to wake my mother.

Suffice it to say, this weekend has not been the best.